gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
