Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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