it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
