clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
