I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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