Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My breasts were aching with rage.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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