sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
