honey bunches of taint.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
