he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
