My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
