he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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