Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
