so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
