Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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