I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
