Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
