Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
