we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
