Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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