I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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