No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
