i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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