He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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