My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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