I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
