I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
