If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
