I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
