your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
