just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
