No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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