Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize