He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
