Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
