how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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