And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
