After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
