grandma shit on top of the toilet
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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