you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
