Four minutes until I can fart!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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