It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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