Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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