Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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