its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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