It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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