I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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