whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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