We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
