he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
