Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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