dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
