you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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