who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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