We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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