I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
