Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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