Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
