I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
