Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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