Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We have started to decorate penises.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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