I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
