There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
