the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
