I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
