textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
