Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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